Digitally Blonde

Cool Halloween Pumpkins (part 1)

As seen on: WalYou.com

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Zombieland Costume: Tallahassee

As seen on: RealDealBrazil.com

Cool-ass hat. The essential bit. And for true Tallahassee attitude, only the right hat-itudewill cut it: Duding up in country-singer cowboy headwear is gonna miss the mark here, podnah. The real thing, in this case, is the Real Deal Brazil, our own genuine recycled-truck-tarp hat, to give Tallahassee his crazy-ass sense of comic s***kicker cool. And once Halloween 2009 has melted back into the shadows, we’re confident that your new RDB hat will still be making mucho guest appearances atop your own crazy-ass cabeza! Get Your Own Real Deal Brazil Zombie Killin’ Hat Here.

Shades ‘n’ scruff. Try the sunglasses-tree at just about any drugstore for suitable NASCAR-country-boy eyewear. And if you can’t muster up some fast whisker growth for a sloppy goatee, then dot your cheeks and chin with an eyeliner pencil for a quick patch of 5 o’clock hair-face.

He-man necklaces. Wood beads, heavy chains, metal or fake-bone pendants. Kind of a Cracker Jacks-prize approach to men’s jewelry, really. Any available dollar store should get you there.

Leathers. You could probably pull off a jean jacket in a pinch, but Tallahassee is all about classic heavy leather, when he’s not seriously rednecking it up in snakeskin. But not leather with too much sheen, and more motorcycle-style than bomber.

V-neck T. There’s something about a low-cut T-shirt that just says you’re badass. (Unless, of course, you’re seriously out of shape, and wearing sweatpants. Then it kinda says 3 a.m. Walmart shopper instead.) Maroon is Tallahassee ’s color, but any dark V-neck T should do the trick.

Belt. Something with a big ol’ metal buckle.

Jeans. No designer “holes,” acid-washed streaks or black thread; the simple workin’ man’s standard, Levi’s, is best. To achieve that I’ve-just-endured-the-apocalypse feel, rub charcoal on your hands and then smear them on your thighs. You dirty little zombie-killer, you!

Weapon-holder, or (fake) weapon. The average leather gun holster is too small, but a leather sheaf for a long fish-filleting knife would do it, strapped to your belt, and then tied at the bottom around your left thigh with yet another belt. In the absence of that, just get yourself a toy rifle, or a toy AK-47, if such a thing is available at, y’know, Toy Guns ‘R Us. The key word here is “toy.” Halloween surprise + packing real heat = bang, bang, someone’s bad-dead, not funny-undead.

Boots. Cowboy, not biker, style. Suede or natural says serious boot-wearer, but snakeskin lends kick-ass redneck cred in a red-hot second.

Additional fun props: Jack Daniels bottle, box of Hostess Twinkies, banjo, long-handled pruning shears.*

* Note of caution: Hard liquor, mystery-cream-filled snack-cakes, poorly played bluegrass music and sharp garden implements can cause serious harm to the still-living.

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